drama princess

I don’t know what happened today. It’s a Thursday and supposedly my favorite day of the week. Thursdays always make me happy however for today it made me feel bad.
For some strange reason I was suddenly depressed and ranting. It would be understandable if I was depressed about my work and its miserable status. I am being unreasonable and I am perfectly aware. I know I have a lot of things to be grateful for but just for today I hope I can get away from everything and just leave. I want to go home and drink all the alcohol I can get my hands on. I want to get myself drunk to get the feel of numbness and forget whatever depression I am currently feeling inside my stupid head.

I am trying – ok I am not. I am just wallowing on my misery thinking that I am the most pathetic person on this side of the planet. I don’t want to try and make myself feel better.
I am not trying to help myself today. I want to be a psychiatric patient with psychotic issues and feed myself with crazy thoughts and ideas.
I don’t want to help myself feel better. I just want to feel bad for myself and think myself utterly useless.

For some unknown reason I am writing about it to try and make the feeling go away. Hoping to make myself feel better and forget about the misery that keeps on filling my head. It makes my heart beat faster. I think I’m palpitating.
If I go to the hospital and they ask what’s my problem, do I go to the emergency room saying I’m depressed? What do I say? I just want to make the feeling in my head go away? I just want to remove all the thoughts running through my head.

My head is swimming with stupid thoughts. I want to be a rockstar and do things that make them feel numb. I want to spend a day just indulging myself on my own nonsense. When I say my own nonsense, it just doesn’t have to make sense, right? It’s just my own thoughts with whatever I might think fancy. Whatever I might think interesting. Just whatever I think, period.

This is just a fleeting depression for I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be back to my good old jolly self talking about everything under the sun. Talking about what I’ve seen, read, watched etc etc… the typical me...

Make myself feel better… make myself feel better… remove all those thoughts in my head… listen to something calminga and refreshing… release the tension that has bunched up on my nerves.
Count 1 to 100… Think happy thoughts… Think only happy thoughts…