single and fabulous

When I reached the age of 25, I started thinking of getting married and having kids. Then, I realized that I have never thought about having my own family before because I am focused on my career and was set on getting married at the age of 29 or 30. Plus, I haven’t been in a serious relationship for 4 years now. So, why the sudden “family” idea? A number of factors contribute to this :

1. My YOUNGER sister got married last year and she now has a family and a very cute baby.
2. I belong to a family where I have spinster aunts every generation. Am I joining the sorority of old maids in our clan?
3. On family occasions, I get bugged with questions on when I am getting married and why I let younger sister got married ahead of me.
4. My best friend just got married and my other best friend is getting married on January – and both of them want me for a bridesmaid. (the one who just got married will renew her vows next year) will I be the one they call, always the bridesmaid, but never the bride???
5. I realized that I have been on all the secondary sponsor tasks – cord, veil, candle, maid of honor, bridesmaid. Thank God I’m too old to be a flower girl and too young to be a ninang or else..
6. I have been attending occasions where they tell me I can bring a “partner”. (partner?? what if I don't have one? AM I NoT INVITED??)

I have always thought that destiny will find me but while destiny is on its way, I should also help destiny find me. Such a funny idea constitutes a preposterous thought. Life is no fairy tale but all my life I have always believed that things will always fall into place when the right time comes. I constantly remind myself that there are a lot of things to consider and I try to keep myself levelheaded. Though at certain situations, a girl just can’t help but feel the need for a special someone to share her problems and her accomplishments.

One of my wishes for the year is to be in a relationship after a hiatus of almost 4 years. I have been wondering on when the day or month will come. I went out on dates and met guys but nothing seemed to work. It was kind of frustrating at times. But then, my mind changed last week.

I just arrived at the office when I received a call from an old time crush – my super crush when I was a freshman in college, so that was like 8 - 9 years ago. I haven’t seen him for quite sometime and he got my number from an old college friend of mine who happen to be working on the same firm. By the way, he is a lawyer now. I had the biggest crush on him when I was a freshman in college and he was a freshman in law school. And when I think about it now, I was hilarious.

He is still single and he asked me if we could go out and I said yes but after a few minutes I realized that I was not excited. I was happy to have heard from him but that was all. My friend who gave him my number even called me and told me that she gave my number and that he was still single. All the signs of a good catch was there. A lawyer, single and I have known him since I was a teen. The kind of guy who I can have a relationship with, right? He is stable and he is of the right age. But somehow, it made me wonder.

If I am looking for a relationship, why am I not grabbing this opportunity? Why do I sense that I want the “magic” and not the security? It made me rethink what I really want.

After thinking for a few days, I realized that I am not just after a relationship but I am after being in love. We can have relationships but we will always want it to be worth our time. We want it to have meaning and we want the relationship to make us happy and contented. I have always known that I am after love but on one way or another I have always denied it. Now, I know better.

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
~ Helen Keller