ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN

I got this thru a forwarded email and as I was cleaning my mailbox earlier, i got the chance to read it once more... it's sooo true! =)


All I really need to know about how to live and what to do and how to be I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand pile at school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.

Play fair.

Don't hit people.

Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess.

Don't take things that aren't yours.

Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

Wash your hands before you eat.

Flush.

Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Take a nap every afternoon.

When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.

Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and equality and sane living.

Take any one of those items and extrapolate it into sophisticated adult terms and apply it to your family life or your work or government or your world and it holds true and clear and firm. Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk at about 3 o'clock in the afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap. Or if all governments had as a basic policy to always put things back where they found them and to clean up their own mess.

And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

P.S. I soooo love the list!!! =D

another movie quote... and a friday.

He's Just Not That Into You

The book was my relationship bible a few months back so when the movie was shown, I just had to see it, of course. =))

I kept this "long quote" of the movie handy for some girlfriends having "emo" moments and of course for MYSELF when i feel like having an "emo" moment as well!

"Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you, he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we're told implores us to wait for it, the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. But sometimes we're so focused on finding our happy ending we don't learn how to read the signs. How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don't, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe... it's you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is... just... moving on."


"Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls, broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never gave up hope."

Sooo nice, right?!

********************************************************

It’s a Friday.

I got in the office and after finding out that my data dumps are still unavailable, I wondered what to do while waiting... hmnnn..

So I checked my mailbox for any email that might need immediate attention and yeah, there’s none that required my undivided attention.

I knew I will have to wait for at least an hour for my data to be ready and my day to start rolling so I have an hour to spare and I thought, ok, blog.

I haven’t been religious in this blogging thing and when moments like this strike, I knew I just had to grab it.

It’s August 28, and after the long weekend ahead, it’s hello September! Here comes the dreaded ”ber” months.

Whenever I hear the “ber” months, the following things immediately come to mind:

1. Another year is about to end – and I can vividly remember myself thinking “it’s a new year” last January.

I had plans for 2009. hahahaha. But that was it. Plans.

2. I am about to get a year older – sometimes I don’t know if it’s good to be celebrating my birthday towards the end of the year.

Most of my friends celebrate their birthdays on the 1st half of the year and when they whine about getting older – it’s usually followed by, “you just celebrated your birthday, it’s still a long way to go before your birthday. But it’s just the same thing, right?

3. Christmas is coming – I need to start saving for gifts! As much as I love to give gifts during Christmas, I am not a very good saver. So I also cram on saving money for the hoidays.

4. The cold months are coming – for a tropical country like the Philippines , I love the cold December nights. It also reminds me that I am still single and still don’t have anybody to cuddle with. (aside from my reliable stuffed toys, of course)

5. Why am I still with this company?
Honestly, I always tell myself that i'm going to look for a new job when a new year starts but then, i just dont know what happend. duh! Can't a job just find me? hahaha... I wish!!! =))

6. And this one doesn’t only come to mind on the “ber” months – WHAT HAVE I DONE WORTHY THIS YEAR??? =))

Again, It’s Friday. Now, I have to start working.
I still have a lot to think of...

I love Russell!!!

"It might sound boring, but sometimes it's the boring stuff I remember most."-- Russell

I am a big fan of animated movies and when I watched the movie Up, I was expecting to laugh my heart out. The last animated movie I saw was Ice Age 3 and it was just hilarious.

So after watching the movie Up, I was not entirely sure what to feel. It definitely did not meet my expectations of endless laughs but… I was surprised by how deep the movie touched me.

The movie transcends cartoon. It has a story. The movie goes to show the truer meaning of life and relationships.

In life, we wait for a long time to have an adventure. We focus on a goal and work our way towards it. We get too focused on reaching that goal that we often forget to live the present.

We also have to realize that today is part of that adventure. And that many times the most ordinary things are the things that are most missed when gone.

The boring stuff can prove to be the most precious. We have to slow down and appreciate the small gestures in life.

And remember, very few of us lives exactly as we plan them.

I remember being an optimistic young girl, planning what I envision of my future. At that time, everything seemed simple. Everything deemed attainable.

And then reality set in.

Slowly and sometimes even heart wrenching painfully, I learned and lived the reality of life.

Growing up is a learning experience. Real life is never the dream we have imagined.
Real life is no way near what I had planned. It doesn’t even come close.

It’s always good to have a goal, to have a dream but let’s not forget to keep our present adventure… Every single day is an adventure to treasure.

One more thing – Always keep a promise. No matter how long it will take us to accomplish it.

Russell and Mr. Carl Fredericksen are characters to remember. Mr. Fredericksen definitely kept his promise.

I give this movie 5stars… The Ellie badge rocks!


**********************************

I recently finished watching a dance reality show and this is one of the songs played on one of the farewell videos... I loved it the moment it played.. =)

It's YOUR LIFE
Francesca Battistelli

This is the moment
It’s on the line
Which way you gonna fall?
In the middle between
Wrong and right
But you know after all

(Chorus)
It’s your life
What you gonna do?
The world is watching you
Every day the choices you make
Say what you are and who
Your heart beats for
It’s an open door
It’s your life

Are you who you always said you would be?
With a sinking feeling in your chest
Always waiting for someone else to fix you
Tell me when did you forget

(Chorus)

To live the way that you believe
This is your opportunity
To let your life be one that lights the way

(Chorus)

it's been a long time...

I'm home on a Sunday night and this is kind of a rare occassion for me.

How do I know it's a rare occassion? My apartment is in dire need of my time. Time to clean up all the mess that have piled up for the past months... Argh. Yeah. I still bring the laundry to the laundromat every week and the trash when it's full but aside from that I haven't done anything more. If ever there's an award giving body that gives recognition for being a big fat "procrastinator", i'm definitely one of the contenders. My mom would nominate me and all my friends would vote for me. Yeah, it's that bad.

I started cleaning up when i woke up earlier however, something distracted my concentration so I stopped and then I just realized it's past 6pm and I need to go to the supermarket for groceries. I got back and my house is still a mess and I didn't know where to start. So I watched TV.

Ever since I started living alone, how many times have I actually cleaned my house? Errrr... I don't know... More than once, definitely.

And now, when I should be making the most out of my rare Sundays at home -- I'm blogging! Why? Because I thought my blog hasn't been updated for a long time -- a lot has happened since April. But i think my "a lot" is not even that important since I can't remember anything significant, nothing life changing has transpired the past 3 months. Uh oh...

And then I think, I think and I think again. what to do.. what to do?
The "ber" months are coming... and that's the reason I'm ranting... ranting... ranting...

To my friends -- who have been absorbing all the rants, I know I have been throwing the past week... Thanks so much and please bear with me. You have not heard the end of it. I am just getting warmed up. Don't worry -- I'm aware.

It's almost 1 am... I have to be at work by 9am. So I guess I'm signing off now.
I will be back soon.

Ta Ta for now.

Turning Back Time...

Last weekend, I saw the Zac Efron movie 17 Again with my good friend Lei. Well, we're not really Efron fans however, we were looking for a feel good movie and the Efron movie was said to be a cheesefest so it was the perfect choice. The other option was Friday the 13th and we weren't really in the mood to get scared that day.

So the movie is definitely something you have seen before... Think Never Been Kissed or 13 Going 30 and movies of the like... Basically, it's about getting a second chance in life, going back to the part when you thought you made the worst life-altering decision that turned your world upside down. The decision that you have lived to regret every single day of your life.

The movie will make you think. If ever you get the chance to go back to a specific point in your life... Rewind your life and then go to the part when you think you made the wrong choice. Only this time, you already know the outcome of the 1st option but you now have the 2nd option which you have lived to think should have been your choice all along. Will you do it? Again, this was the life-changing decision you have lived to regret.

I thought about it... and yes, there are definitely decisions made that could have been better had I known what the outcome would be. There are regrets on what might have beens have I chosen the "would be" better option. A lot of tsk tsks on knowing the moment you made the decision, you should have opted to pick the other choice. But then, that's a part of life, right?
And I think it's one of the best parts of living. You live, you learn.

Every mistake you make will be the lesson you earn.

So if given the chance to turn back time and live my life differently... would I do it? The idea is very tempting but I will have to say NO.

I have made bad decisions but at the time I made those decisions, they were the right ones for me. They were the choices that made sense and made me happy.

We only liVe life once and we just have to maximize each day. Good or bad decisions, Don't live to regret each one made.

VIVI BENE, RIDI SPESSO, AMA TANTO!
(Live Well, Laugh Often, Love Deeply)

Horoscope for the Day!

You will receive a beautiful, extravagant gift today, although it won't be a material item -- someone will give you the gift of understanding. They'll help you 'get it.' You are developing a significant appreciation for the subtle connections people can make -- when two strangers can look each other in the eye and make an instant connection. A seemingly innocent conversation that is meant to kill time will plant an idea in your head that you will be tossing around for days.

I woke up early today and it's a Sunday! I was surprised myself. So while waiting for my alarm to sound off before I get up and start my day (this is a rare occassion!), I logged in and played mafia wars and out of nothing more productive to search, I checked my horoscope. The last time I checked my astrology reading was last January (that's the start of the year so I kinda believed in that type of crap, new year, new beginnings stuff).

So this is what my horoscope for the day, as per msnbc.com... Interesting??? I thought so too. The gift of understanding? I am not understanding enough? Hmnnn.. Instant connections? Well... That should be interesting.

I didn't know that checking my horoscope could start my Sunday well. :D

I just heard my alarm... Time to rise and shine! Good morning!

My roommates!

I was inspired by Etl's new room that I took pictures of my "roommies". They are the best roommates ever! Never complaining and always cute and cuddly.

Working on Holy days!

I have been working holy week holidays for more than 5 years now and it always felt the same but this year it was totally crappy. Probably because most of my non work friends are on vacation somewhere or just enjoying the boredom that holy week brings. So while we were slaving away for the holiday pay, they were just having fun with their vacations or simply not doing anything.

At work with our uber boring work atmosphere, I talked with my friends and we reminisced the days when we were much younger and holy week was a holiday when we didn't really have anything to do. We didn't have cable tv then and parents/grandparents don't even allow radio so we're stuck with the deafening silence or the monotonous sound of "pabasa" or "pasyon" (that's how we call it in our province). The traditional "visita iglesia" on Maundy Thursdays and good old "prusisyon" on Good Fridays. Those were the days...
One of my friends shared that they were not even allowed to take a bath on Good Friday... and that is something I cannot remember. Holy week usually falls in the summer and it's freaking hot so I guess my parents did not observe that "no shower" tradition.

Busy Makati was soooo not buzzing on Thursday and Friday. I got in the office in a record-reaking 12mins -- from my house -- going down 4 flights of stairs, getting a cab and going up to our office. Most of the elevators were undergoing maintenance but I was still inside the office in 12mins. That was really fast! That was the only fascinating thing that happened during my work on the holidays. That was a moment to remember.

I was so bored that I took pictures of the carpark -- view from my window. It's crappy too. Kind of how we felt while working.

I hope next year goes differently.

one more thought...

Sometimes the questions are simple
but the answers are complicated.
-- Dr. Seuss

XOXO

I'm not a stop along the way.
I'm a destination.
And if you refuse to come,
I'm gonna need to find a replacement.
- Blair Waldorf

Don’t Let Me Stop You

This is one of the songs on the new Kelly Clarkson album that I recently downloaded.
I love love love Kelly's new album...

Don’t Let Me Stop You

I used to be a little bit shy, I kept my deepest feelings inside
Speaking up to you about my emotions has always been hard
But this just can't wait, tonight I feel a little bit brave
So I won't let one more day pass without me explaining what we are

This is gonna sound kinda silly
But I couldn't help but notice
The last time you kissed me
You kept both eyes open
Baby, can you tell me what does that mean?
If you're looking all over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on

Don't let me stop you from doing what you wanna do
You don't wanna stick, trust me it's cool
Take no chance gettin' over you
No, no, don't let me stop you, if you wanna leave, baby you can leave
Just don't pretend that you're into me
If it ain't true, no, don't let me stop you

A lot of things I can take, gotta high threshold for pain
But let's get one thing straight, I'm not down to share you with anyone
If that's not what you're looking for, nice knowing you, but there's the door
Cause I know that I can find someone to give me what I want

This is gonna sound kinda silly
If you're looking over your shoulder
Then you don't need to be with me
And I don't need to hold on

Even if I end up broken hearted, I won't lie
I don't wanna hear goodbye, but other way I'll be alright

Q1

It’s nearly the end of the 1st quarter and I am again left wondering.
What have occurred in the past 3 months? What have I done and what have I lost?
A good friend and I set plans for our 1st quarter and sadly, she was able to carry out her mission – while I on the other hand... well.. never mind.

To recap my 1st quarter, I have accomplished the following:
I would say The OX is looking very optimistic right now… huh?!

1. Worried more on what’s going to happen in the future.
2. Lost more sleep thinking what’s going to happen in my future.
3. Got more concerned what’s in store in the future.
4. Troubled more with what I can do with my life.
5. More anxious on what I need to do more and do less.
6. More apprehensive on my plans and the lack of it for the succeeding years.
7. Upset with this list.

Need I say more?

My Blairband...

Since GG is back and I loved Etl's pic... Let me post some of my own stupid pics.. hehehehe... We were obviously bored... Nope, ako lng pala..I just asked them to take my pic =)) I bought these headbands last December for my nieces but some of them didn't show up last Christmas so I still have a couple of these really cute but too humiliating for an adult to wear in public blairband...

Chasing Pavements

**** i loved this song the moment I heard it... to one of my good good friends -- m sharing it with u -- hehehehe.. =))

I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

I'd build myself up,
And fly around in circles,
Waiting as my heart drops,
And my back begins to tingle
Finally could this be it

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep on chasing pavements?
Should I just keep on chasing pavements?

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere

25 Things

I was thinking of random things about myself that not a lof of people know and then I started writing them down. I actually wrote more than 25 but I chose the top 25 I liked and made me smile...

1. My name would have been Immaculada Concepcion if only my dad did not interfere with my grandparents. So imagine, instead of calling me RJ, you could have been calling me IC. =))

2. Growing up, I thought canned goods such as corned beef and meat loaf are food for the rich people. I can remember asking my mom to open a corned beef for lunch because I had the funny idea that it’s expensive and is for the rich while our good old fashioned home cooked dishes are for the poor. So I was finally enlightened when I had to live on my own and all I can prepare for myself are canned goods. Yuck. So much for being rich.

3. I got kicked out of the classroom when I was in 1st grade for too much talking with my seatmate. Well, we both got kicked out of the room and had to bring our moms the next day. My mom – who is a teacher was furious at me for being so talkative in class that I had to cry my eyes out for her to go with me to school and talk to my teacher.

4. I was such a tomboyish clown during my grade school days. I wore shorts under my school uniform so that it’s easier to play after school. Running in a skirt is not really easy but wearing shorts underneath the skirt makes it better. I can definitely run faster on all those after school games at the school grounds.

5. I took advantage of my younger sister’s lunch money by volunteering to buy her food and getting 1 peso commission without her knowledge. The school canteen is located near my building so I will bring her food to her building on the other side of the school. It seemed very kind of me until she found out the original price versus big sister’s price. She has never forgotten my “big sister” act.

6. One summer before I started 4th grade, my cousin and I got caught stealing mangoes from trees inside the school premises. We were walking inside the school premises when we saw the trees with mangoes. We thought it was ok to pick some so we did pick a couple and got caught by the guard. Our parents were called to get us out from the barangay. To avoid having our parents called, we even lied to the guards and told them we were housemaid’s kids just fooling around and that our parents were busy with house chores and cannot get us. Well it didn’t work. My dad picked me up. I think it was my first official criminal offense. Thank God I was just a kid or else it will reflect in my NBI clearance. =))

7. I got my first suitor when I was a freshman in high school and was so stupid not to know. He carried my bag to class but foolish me thought he was just being friendly. He sits next to me in Science laboratory and I thought he just wanted to join our group. He visits me at home after class and I thought he just wanted to copy my homework. I realized he liked me when he suddenly stopped following me and started doing all those things to another girl in class. Ouch! He should have told me! How was I supposed to know??!!! We were just kids! I could have had my 1st bf at 12!

8. I bet against my guy friends on who will win NBA and PBA games. I loved my guy friends because I can talk to them about basketball. I got hooked watching basketball games when I was in grade 1 and got addicted to it in high school. At the back of my school notebook would be the conference team standings. I even collected those NBA cards and I used to pass a movie just to watch a basketball game at home.

9. I sometimes cut class in high school (well with my classmates) – mainly P.E. just to watch Princess Sarah and Peter Pan at home. I got addicted to Peter Pan and Sarah and then Dog of Flanders and Cedie and Ang TV.

10. My first experience in getting super drunk was when I was a freshman in college. All fresh at 16, I thought it was liberating to drink beer. But when I got the hangover the next day, got all sick and had a lot of skin rashes, I got scared and thought I was dying.

11. My first kiss was not foot popping. It was not what I expected but it was a good kiss. It was a game of Truth or Dare.

12. When I lived in Baguio , my friends and I used to sneak out of the house by climbing the fence. Going out was easier compared to going back in when we were all drunk and intoxicated. One time, our landlady caught us and thought we were burglars. Bummer. We had to move out immediately or else she’ll tell our parents and I wouldn’t want to know what they would do to me.

13. I was a fan of Shaider, Ultraman, Magmaman, Bioman and all those Japanese shows. I even loved Takeshi’s castle. I am also a self confessed Eat Bulaga fanatic. I so love Eat Bulaga that up to now, I still try to watch the show whenever I can.

14. My parents and my sister cook really well while I don’t even have a stove. I don’t know how to cook. My mom and dad would always say that I will die of hunger. So far, I haven’t.

15. My favorite day is Thursday. Most of my friends find it weird but for me it just makes sense. When it’s Thursday, it mean you only go to work 1 more day and then it’s weekend, right? Well, it’s MY favorite. Get yours!

16. I suffer from dysmenorrhea every month and take 2 550mg Flanax to ease the pain. I have this problem every single month and I dread those days...

17. I don’t eat isaw manok but I love isaw baboy. One time, my friends and I spent 500 pesos on isaw. Whew! We were all yellow the next day! Hahahaha..

18. After college, there are days when I just crave pancit canton and yakisoba.

19. I used to have 3 cats at home, Safira, Cathi and Pathy. When they all started to have babies, my mom freaked out and got rid of Cathi and Pathy. Only Safira was spared but her kittens were also given away. Safira used to share my bed with me. She slept at my foot and it felt warm. I think liking cats helped me, I didn’t acquire asthma – my sister did. hehehe...

20. We had a dog who committed suicide by hanging himself. Or it was negligence on our part as my friends would say. It was a morbid story. =))

21. I love keeping in touch with old friends. I love exchanging stories with them and hearing about their updates. I always go out of my way to keep my old friends in the loop with my life’s current events.

22. I got my first heartbreak at 21 and thought it was the end of the world. (that was ages ago – I sure have changed)

23. I realized I didn’t have acting abilities or any kind of artistic talent whatsoever in a performance class in college when we were asked to act and I just couldn’t deliver. My professor was just looking at me and I thought she will fail me for not being able to act. On the class’ final production, I had to find the smallest role that would not be noticed and I still got noticed for my horrible acting skills. I did try though.

24. I am addicted to books and television. I read almost anything that has a story. I watch a lot of TV series that I get backlogs for not being updated with the latest episodes of my favorite shows. I can spend the whole weekend alone with books to read and tv shows to watch. Well, please add junkfood for sustenance.

25. I now live on my own and I love the independence and the mess I call home.

secrets' secrets

my friend just posted a blog about secrets and it got me thinking... if it's supposed to be a secret, why do we share it with our friends? At the back of our minds, do we actually want other people to learn about our secret? Or are we just excited about having to share something scandalous, preposterous, funny and totally absurd with our friends?

I have shared my innermost secrets with my closest friends. Well, not just my closest friends... they are definitely my most trusted friends. The friends whom I know would not tell on me and my secrets, however juicy they may be. secrets that are only to be shared within the smallest of circles.

I think I tell my friends about my secrets because I need to hear another point of view or maybe I need assurance that I am still doing it right or that I'm not totally --- totally --- i don't know the word. or maybe i refuse to write the word in my head. maybe...

and then you hear about your friends' secrets...errr... there are some secrets that you just wish you didn't hear or secrets that you wish some secret keepers just kept to themselves... sometimes secrets could cause good and strong relationships to crash and burn. secrets can cause that... because there are times when you have to know who decides it's still a secret... or not?

secrets can make or break friendships... secrets are sometimes too difficult to hide. and sometimes, secrets are really just for fun until the secrets go too far...
and then the secret should no longer be a secret.

now... it got me thinking... what are your deepest darkest secrets? secrets that even you're most trusted, closest friends do not know and cannot know... secrets that you can never tell anybody... not a single soul...

xoxo

bubble fun

I remember taking these pictures while I was on a mall a few months agp... It was fun seeing these kids think about nothing but how to balance themselves inside the bubble... It looked fun and I would have tried it myself if only my mom wasn't such a spoilsport. I watched the kids for a couple of minutes while they tried to walk inside the bubble on water. It made me smile to see them fall after fall after fall and still hear their laughter. Well, to be young and carefree...

drama princess

I don’t know what happened today. It’s a Thursday and supposedly my favorite day of the week. Thursdays always make me happy however for today it made me feel bad.
For some strange reason I was suddenly depressed and ranting. It would be understandable if I was depressed about my work and its miserable status. I am being unreasonable and I am perfectly aware. I know I have a lot of things to be grateful for but just for today I hope I can get away from everything and just leave. I want to go home and drink all the alcohol I can get my hands on. I want to get myself drunk to get the feel of numbness and forget whatever depression I am currently feeling inside my stupid head.

I am trying – ok I am not. I am just wallowing on my misery thinking that I am the most pathetic person on this side of the planet. I don’t want to try and make myself feel better.
I am not trying to help myself today. I want to be a psychiatric patient with psychotic issues and feed myself with crazy thoughts and ideas.
I don’t want to help myself feel better. I just want to feel bad for myself and think myself utterly useless.

For some unknown reason I am writing about it to try and make the feeling go away. Hoping to make myself feel better and forget about the misery that keeps on filling my head. It makes my heart beat faster. I think I’m palpitating.
If I go to the hospital and they ask what’s my problem, do I go to the emergency room saying I’m depressed? What do I say? I just want to make the feeling in my head go away? I just want to remove all the thoughts running through my head.

My head is swimming with stupid thoughts. I want to be a rockstar and do things that make them feel numb. I want to spend a day just indulging myself on my own nonsense. When I say my own nonsense, it just doesn’t have to make sense, right? It’s just my own thoughts with whatever I might think fancy. Whatever I might think interesting. Just whatever I think, period.

This is just a fleeting depression for I’m sure tomorrow I’ll be back to my good old jolly self talking about everything under the sun. Talking about what I’ve seen, read, watched etc etc… the typical me...

Make myself feel better… make myself feel better… remove all those thoughts in my head… listen to something calminga and refreshing… release the tension that has bunched up on my nerves.
Count 1 to 100… Think happy thoughts… Think only happy thoughts…

it got me thinking.

I was checking my emails when I got to a forwarded Chinese astrology email from an old friend. It was a 600kb pdf file that has got the "future" of 2009 for whichever year you were born. I was born under "monkey" and I love it. I think monkeys are way cooler than people born under rooster or even the goat or the sheep, come to think of it is there a year of the sheep? I'm not really sure, I know there's the pig, the ox, the snake, the rat, the dog, is there a year of the cat? how about bird? Hmmnn... I'll check it later... Going back to my monkey thoughts...

I think monkeys in some way level up with those born under the dragon, well because I kind of think being born under the year of the dragon rocks. What year were u born? 'I'm a dragon' -- Whoa!!! Totally rad! right?! Well, I'm a monkey is not as tough but I still think it's better than the others. Think pig.

Anyway, going back to the forwarded email, as per the astrology reading, 2009 totally rocks for monkeys like me. How cool is that?! I'm not a big fan of astrology crap -- well ok, maybe a little. I kind of find it's fun to read your "supposed" luck/fortune for the day, week, month or year. For monkeys -- 2009 will be a year of romance, career, wealth and many other opportunities, which all sounds too good to be true, right???!!!

It was fun reading it. I look forward to a year of romance and wealth and loads of opportunities. And then I realized most of my high school friends were also born under monkey.. so we all get the same luck? Lucky us? For me and my friends, I hope so.

Even if most fortune tellers give us 'too general' readings, I enjoy going to tarot readers. I actually have a regular tarot reader who I have been going to for the past 2 years. This will be the 3rd year he will read my cards and I can't wait. I just happen to promise a good friend that I'll wait for her until before the end of the month so that we could go together and compare notes and share luck. Since it's the start of 2009 and so far -- monkeys rock, I better go for it, right?

Well.. it just got me thinking... and it's still the 1st week of January and I am totally hoping for a fabulous year and I am sooo wishing that the last x years of single-blessedness be it and... and... and... that's it.

happy 2009!!!

my new year thoughts...

It's my first "me" time for 2009. Actually, this is the first weekend since December that i don't have plans to go out. December has been a very busy month with the holidays and all the events going on that I haven't stopped to smell the flowers...

The last month of 2008 has been a whirlwind of events that I'm starting to analyze just now. I need to stop and think what the hell just happened???!!! A lot of things just happened in a blur that I am no longer aware what it meant or if meant anything at all.

One of the things that stuck on my mind was my being "overly cautious". For 2009, how do I go about not being overly cautious? Does that mean I stop thinking and go for it? Hmnn.. I am now "overly analyzing" what "overly cautious" mean. I am wondering why people would tell me that being in a relationship -- you will have to be prepared to get hurt because that's a part of it. It got more confusing. People thinking that i don't want to get hurt. Well, yes of course... Been there and it wasn't a fun experience for a free spirit like me.

How long have I been single? To those who know me... yes.. it's been years. And it's not for lack of trying, you know. =) Me thinks that being out of a romantic relationship for years now, it's taking its toll... My friends are telling me to be nicer, be sweeter... Am I not nice? Am I not sweet? hehehehe... I am a very sweet person... It just have to be the right person. I can't go all sweet on just anybody I meet or else they get the wrong signals and then I've got bigger problems, right?

Anyway, last week I met with my 'classmate'. The 'classmate' I ranted about a few months ago. I'm crazy, i know! After being mad for about 10mins, i go meet him for coffee... Well, this is the 1st time we're meeting after 3 years so i just had to... and it was nice to see him. (to my friends with dirty minds thinking I'm going to blog about what we talked about, sorry!!! hahahaha) We talked about our current lives and everything we have missed about each other for the past 3 years. We really are friends i think. We know a lot about each other and I genuinely care about him. I hope he does for me too. But that 'classmate' thingy really is a deal breaker...

Enough of my 'classmate'. We have both gone our separate ways. He's good and I'm good. I am stupid but not that STUPID.

What else happened the past month. I think i had too much alcohol and smokes the last month so now I've got colds and haven't touched a cigarette for 6days. I think it should be on my new year's resolution. I'm still thinking about it though.

I am home now... the 1st weekend of 2009 and I got my place cleaned, my laundry to the the cleaners... good start for 09 huh? coz it's back to normal by Monday!!!

Me thinks this is going to be a good year and me also thinks that some things are worth waiting for...

happy new year to me...